Actions speak louder than words...

I have always known my son is beyond amazing. He has a good soul. He knows the importance of a good moral compass and I have started to notice those amazing strengths I always hoped he’d have like kindness, integrity and respect. He has the best outgoing friendly personality already at just 15. He’s learned how important it is to speak up and communicate. He can control his anger. He takes ownership for his actions and thinks before he speaks. He finds solutions on his own to the minor hiccups of everyday life. He’s not afraid to ask if he needs help with something. He knows to use his manners and does willingly. Everyday more and more he amazes me! Last year my son started high school. Freshman year was a ROUGH one for him. I thought it would be a breeze, it seemed like I was just a freshmen myself not that long ago. How hard could it be my second go round ? WRONG! It was a daily struggle of worry and stress. The homework was more than either of us cared to bother with. The “at home projects” caused major tension and heated lectures about going the extra mile, making your work impressive and doing your best. To me it’s the only way you should ever do anything! Math is a subject I have always loved, however it’s not a common interest my son and I share. I didn’t solve equations using the layout he had been shown, I didn’t show my work to solve for “x” correctly... He isn’t the type to obsess over homework. He doesn’t see the point in typing the final draft of his English paper and that’s suppose to be his favorite school subject! His lefty handwriting is a mix of cursive and print, it’s just fine with him so why change it. It’s a constant battle of me pleading for him to go above and beyond no matter the task, one, I am very well aware, I may never win. He eventually would buckle down and race for that “D”, being a freshman for another year was not something he wanted. He wanted a passing grade, he didn’t need straight “A’s”. He just needed the credit. He’s got brains, tons of common sense and he’s of course got the looks to go with all of that. He just has little desire for book work and that’s how he’s always been. It doesn’t mean he lacks smarts, his brain is just wired in a different order of importance. His organization skills are on point. He has a color coordinated closet, matches all his socks, can’t stand a messy house or cluttered countertops. When he cleans the house I come home to a freshly made bed. He can cook and will even clean up his mess. I trust him to do my laundry and that’s a big deal. He’s been doing his own since about the age of 8 so he’s pretty much mastered that laundry skill. This school year my son is a sophomore. I’m sure you’ve heard that Kenny Chesney song “Don’t blink”, and even if you haven’t just believe me it’s totally accurate. It’s like I came home from work one night and my free spirited little boy was suddenly a responsible young man... Life goes by way faster than you think. This year has been the polar opposite for my son. He has shocked me with his ambition. I have walked through the front door after working all day stopping dead in my tracks in astonishment to find him sitting at the counter doing his homework without ever even being asked. I had to pause a moment at the sight of that effort, take it all in, I had no words. Me not knowing what to say is unusual. I can pop off with something almost always at the drop of a hat. I just went with “Wow, look at you.... I’m impressed”. Then I proceeded to my room to call my own mom and text a few friends about my kids awesomeness. I was seriously that excited and had to tell everyone all about it! My son finally wants to participate in school functions. He went to homecoming and he had a blast! He has cool stories to share about his day and his friends that he just automatically starts chatting about without me. No prying needed or me asking twenty million conversation starter questions. He has made it through the first quarter of this year without being suspended or kicked out of class! I haven’t even had a face to face with the office staff yet! That right there, to me, is a major accomplishment! More meaningful than my son improving his grades, he has improved his behavior! He was never horrible but he has been known to have a mouth of sarcasm, he likes to challenge others even if it’s a one sided statement and not a discussion. He sometimes doesn’t know when to zip the lip. This year though he seems to get it! He follows the rules, takes off his hat, wears his school shirt and he knows asking for permission is a must if he needs to leave class. These last few months I can’t help but look at him and smile with happiness and pride. He gets up on his own for school, I’m not saying he’s always there when the bell rings but he’s 15 and he’s improving his “being on time”, he takes after me. Running late is the only running I do, well and sometimes I run my mouth a little too.... He always has a clean school shirt and he doesn’t mind that he is required to wear it. His backpack has actual school stuff crammed into it, not just a baseball cap, chewing gum and headphones, you know everything probably school forbidden... All these little changes have made a big difference. It’s been all his own doing, I’m even more proud of that of course. I can’t even explain the happiness that fills my heart and soul when I watch my son striving to do better than he has done in the past. I know a few of my close friends and family have noticed his determination, mentioned his happy outgoing attitude these days. They have complimented how pleasant he is to have over at their home as a guest and how he doesn’t mind helping when asked to lend a hand. I know people love him! How could they not ?!?! He’s an awesome kid. He’s caring and fun. He is, without a doubt, always well dressed and sports a sincere smile so much so that you can’t help but smile back. I’m big on first impressions, smiles and dressing for success. Last week I was reassured that all this pride and happiness filling my heart and soul was more then just favoritism as a mom for her mijo. My son was nominated by one of his teachers as part of the “FAB 5”. Every teacher picks one student from each class period, 5 students total. Those students get honored as “VOLS” (the volunteers) Based on VALUES, ORGANIZATION, LEADERSHIP and SUCCESS. My son was chosen for LEADERSHIP. It’s just a simple piece of paper and a few perks to congratulate the students. It wasn’t handed out during an assembly up on stage or anything like that. It was simply given to him as a little “pat on the back”. I didn’t get to even see his face when he got the news from whom ever is in charge of all that. I won’t be posting a million photos like all you moms who have a “splendid speller” or a “math magician” so don’t worry I won’t be blowing up social media like you all do when report cards go out with those trendy hashtags, #mykidssosmart, #lookwhogotperfectattendance, #Imustberaisingthemright” shit. No need for hashtags I have my own “.com” site for praising my kid.   - That was to make you laugh... don’t get all defensive, I was kidding! #hashtag the shit out of your kids!-   I’ll just write a big old long blog, show my appreciation to everyone that inspires and supports my son and do a little bragging about his unexpected award and awesomeness... 

My son must have done something that set him apart from others, something that made an impression, got him noticed by his teacher and in such a positive way that they thought he deserved recognition. I don’t know what it was he did... Was there some special occurrence that lead to all this? Is it possible that it there was more than one incident where he showed leadership? Was there something rare witnessed simply because his teacher actually cares to pay attention to each and every student? I may never know what caused this positive praise from his teacher. Doesn’t matter either way. What does is that HE stood out all on his own. Not because his scores in the grade book or his athletic abilities. He stood out just being his normal everyday self... He stood out with stellar “LEADERSHIP” skills and one attentive teacher took note of it. I was blown away when my son showed me his little sheet of paper. I felt like my heart was going to explode with pride. I hope the teacher gets as much honor and joy in choosing the students as those students when presented with their VOLS award. I’m sure as a high schooler it’s not cool to make a big deal out of it but a big deal is exactly what it is! Maybe the teacher doesn’t even realize how big of a deal it is that they pick those kids. Maybe they haven’t been thanked by any students for a nomination... so as a parent I want to say “Thanks for caring and noticing my kid”... I want his teacher to know how much I appreciate it, how impressed I am by them caring enough to notice something in their student, not only in my son but all our awesome kids. This one simple weekly list with 5 student names on it may impact some kids life. Lift their mind, body and soul up from whatever crazy thing is trying to pull them down. Give them that little boost they need reassuring their confidence. Maybe change their negative mindset about school. Confirm that good behavior and striving to try your best is all worth it. I’m sure if nothing else, a “VOLS” award has never done anyone any harm and definitely has no negative impact... Knowing the high school staff believes in the importance of building up our kids on all levels of life is a huge deal to me. I know a lot of people think grades and attendance are what is most important at school but I believe it’s way more than that. To me it’s about our kids learning about all aspects of life, making friends, building relationships with positive adults beside their parents, communicating and solving their own little everyday problems. It’s about realizing that everyone can have success and be happy, and that no ones success or happiness is the same. I have received plenty of papers from my son with important signatures on them. Most need a signature from me or are wanting a face to face with my son and I early the next morning... When you get a paper with a signature and it doesn’t require anything in return it’s truly amazing! It’s something worth celebrating! I like to think that the great “leaders” that my son has had in his life have a lot to do with his success. My mom is the truest example of compassion and serving others. My fiancé’s simple way of life, honesty, hard work and commitment to my son and I has definitely been a daily example of what it means to be a good man, friend and father. My friends and clients have shown him how important loyalty and understanding others is in life. His personal mentor (I refer to as “joe daddy”) has the best positive attitude, shows real interest in my son and praises all his school and regular day accomplishments, it’s the best outcome one could ever experience from a teen mishap. Reuniting with Paster “D” was never planned, it just happened through the mishap chain of events. It was proof that no matter how much time has passed true friends and family always will be there no questions asked. I try to live my life by example for my son, always explain why or why not so he understands my answers and my reasoning. I thank him for helping at home. Compliment his caring heart. I give him my attention and my time when he ask. I take the time for him to show me his gaming stuff even though have no clue what any of it is. I’m learning though, paying attention. It may not be of big importance to some, but it is to him so it is to me. Surrounded by positive leaders is never guaranteed success. It takes more than that. My son having an open mind and taking it all in is what will be the key to his success. Thats totally on him and believe me he has been doing just that. Build your kids up. Give them your attention when they ask. Tell them a million times every day how awesome they are. Compliment their strengths and skills, whether it be the way they can style their own hair, polish off a family size Mac and cheese on their own in one sitting, remembering to take out the trash AND put in a new trash bag, or ranking top 3 when they’re gaming, it doesn’t matter what it is. All that matters is they know you’re paying attention, you cared enough to notice and said something positive to them. It gives our kids, really all of us, that feeling of love and importance when we give our time to others and simple things get praised and noticed.